Relationship, Couples, and Marriage Counseling
Whether you are in an intimate relationship or some other important relationship (parent-adult child, adult siblings, deep friendships, relationships at work, etc.), difficult issues can arise from time to time. Relationship difficulties can take many forms.
The kinds of difficulties that can disrupt and threaten intimate relationships include:
Significant challenges in life circumstances - the arrival or departure of children, aging, illness, financial or career stresses.
Difficulty communicating, being heard and understood, and getting what you need and want in the relationship.
A feeling that you’re not on the same page.
Difficulty handling disagreement and anger.
Not feeling free to be yourself in the relationship.
Drifting apart in a away that makes it seem you’re leading disconnected, separate lives.
Difficulties with desire and sex.
Betrayal, affairs.
In other important relationships, difficulties might include a breakdown in communication and mutual understanding, unresolved conflict, changes in the status or situation of one or both parties, or any number of other challenges.
Forming and maintaining satisfying connections with other people is so important to our happiness, but isn't always easy. There are many reasons why we might not be having the kinds of relationships we want. We may feel stuck in relationships that aren't working, or we may not engage in real relationship at all. In either case, we may feel lonely, isolated, unsupported.
It’s not surprising that a variety of difficulties can arise in our relationships. In fact, it’s almost inevitable, given that relationships involve the meeting of two or more people who have different unique selves, situations, expectations, and life experiences. On top of that, people (and their situations, expectations, etc.) change over time.
Sooner or later, difficult issues arise in most relationships. You may be able to address those issues on your own, or through access to learning resources like books, videos, websites, etc. In some situations, it can be extremely helpful to bring a third party (the therapist) into the picture.
An attentive, attuned, and experienced therapist can help you work through difficult issues, and assist you in creating the relationship you want.
When working with intimate or very close relationships, we’ll create a safe space in which you and your relationship partner can:
get clear about what the issues really are and why they’re important,
explore those issues and what part each of you play,
experiment with new ways of interacting that are more likely to lead to resolution and progress, and
work to find a path forward that takes you in the direction you want to go.
Part of our work together will involve looking closely at the relationship itself - how you chose to interact (or not interact), how you address and respond to each other.
In our work together, we’ll providing a third-party perspective that you can consider and use or reject as you work to create the future you want.
We’re also likely to look at what’s going on individually for each partner, and work to address personal obstacles to progress.
In some cases, we can work individually with you to explore relationship issues.
How? We'll work to understand your current relational situation, and your role and power in the relationship. We'll focus on choices that you have the power to make, and things that you can control. We'll explore the extent to which you are responsible for certain aspects of your relationship, and we'll take a hard look at the degree to which you are free to act in the context of your relationship. We'll work through the personal barriers that are preventing you from being in relationship in the way that you want to be. This work might involve working through personal history and assumptions and beliefs.
Engaging a therapist involves a commitment to learn and grow, both in your relationship, and as an individual.
Assigning blame isn’t part of the work, although accepting responsibility for your actions frequently is.
Therapy is expensive, but the return on investment can be quite high, especially when you consider the cost (financial and otherwise) of the loss of the important relationships in your life, or of continuing to participate in a relationship that is not working. Further, working on your relationship is likely to lead to increased personal awareness, growth, and your ability to engage in relationships with a variety of people in a variety of situations.
Relationship Therapy may be long or short term, it all depends on the nature of your current difficulties, and on your goals. It’s always up to you.
